If you could dream up you’re perfect man what would he be like? The truth is that at some point we’ve thought about what our perfect match would be like both as a person and physically. While this is pretty normal to do, could our fantasies be keep us from finding a real one?
Last night I was talking to my friend who was telling about the latest guy that she let go of. As she told me about why she stopped seeing him it hit me that I’ve heard this story from her before. She ended things because he, like the other guys, didn’t match the image of the ideal man that she has.
It’s one thing to break up with someone because you’re not a match and another thing when it’s because they don’t measure up to some impossible expectations. When that’s the case you’re hurting yourself because you’ll always be search for that ‘perfect person.’ Plus you’re missing out on meeting someone who’s could be great.
Why Should We Let Go?
In order to accept the person that’s right for you, you’ll have to let go of the mental picture of who’s right for you. It’s a wall that blocks you from accepting anyone for who they are because fantasies can cause unrealistic expectations. There’s not a relationship in this world that’s never faced conflict, hardship, or low-points.
The problem with fantasies is that they are fun to have but they don’t allow for a realistic human experience. In a fantasy everything about a person is perfect, but in reality we are all flawed and need to be able to accept that about one another.
The beautiful thing is that a real relationship is one that serves as a mirror and shows you who you are. It helps you grow and challenges you in a way that makes you want to be a better person.
Are Fantasies and Standards the Same?
There’s a difference between being stuck on a fantasy persona and having standards for guys you potentially date. One is based on a figment of your imagination and someone who doesn’t exist. The other is (or should be) about making sure that the other person’s lifestyle and values match your own.
For instance, I imagine that my perfect man would have a great sense of humor, someone who’s handy and can fix things, and wears glasses (I have a thing for guys who wear glasses.) While I would love for him to be that and more, I rather have a man that fits my standards of being an active Christian, values family, and has dreams or goals.
We have to be willing to put aside our wish list and the pedestal of what we want for someone who has the foundation that we need. Something that always helps me is knowing that God knows what I need in the future, whereas I can only see what I need now. So that man will beat any fantasy that I’ve created in my mind.