It’s been almost a month since Big Mama passed away, the days since getting that call have been a blur. Many of my days and weeks have all mixed in together in my mind as I try to come to terms with all that’s happened. It’s been hard to cope with the fact that she isn’t here, and many times I want to remove myself from all my thoughts and feelings. So I find ways to keep my mind occupied and on other things, but lately I’ve been wondering it that’s the best way to deal with this.
I know deep down that Big Mama wouldn’t want me to be sad about her passing. She would want me to be happy for her because she’s in a better place and living my life to the fullest. She was one of my biggest supporters and her face would light up when I would show her my writing and design work. She was so proud of me, and even though she would want me to pursue that more I just don’t know have the drive. It’s hard to imagine going on with life “as normal” without her here to be apart of it.
After talking with my parents about it they told me that I need to keep going after what I’m passionate about because that’s what she would want. I need to take it day by day and get back into my life. So for the past week I’ve been trying to make my way back, it hasn’t been easy because I still think about her, but it gets easier.
Escaping from one’s problems may not be the best thing to do, but just like having a pity party it’s okay for a while as long as you don’t make it a constant thing. The truth is that I will never forget Big Mama, and I don’t think that anyone really gets over the loss of someone they care about. It’s understandable to be sad, but now I have to use my life to honor her memory and be the woman that she knew I would be.