How do you forgive a situation that feels unforgivable? Not in a sense of a minor offense like your brother drinking the last of the milk when you go to eat cereal. I’m talking about a friend betrays you, the love of your life cheats on you, someone takes advantage of you.
One night I was talking to my sister about forgiveness because we were both having trouble with it. I was telling her about a friend who was talking about me behind my back and starting rumors. While she was having trouble forgiving her ex for some of the things he said and did during the relationship.
As we continued to discuss our problems I noticed that neither of us knew how to move past what happened. We both knew that we needed to forgive them, but we wanted them to understand our hurt. How do we surrender our pain and move forward with our lives?
Side Effects of Forgiveness
When we don’t forgive some someone and hold onto that offense we become tied to that person, then the past replays in our mind slowly eating away at us. By letting resentment overtake our mind it affect our heart towards them. We don’t want to be in the same room as them or talk about that person, while we do this our hearts harden.
A couple of years ago I was upset some things that happened with my ex and looked at his Facebook. I saw that he was happy, and wasn’t dealing with the same pain. I was living in the past filled with anger while he was moving on with life.
There’s a saying that goes, “In order to forgive we have to remember we were forgiven.” The enemy constantly reminds of our past and convicts us, not Jesus. He paid the price and forgave us for our sins, we have to find a way to forgive too.
I want to preface that I know some of you have experienced unimaginable pain that I couldn’t begin to imagine, and I want to apologize for the hurt you’ve experienced. What I’m about to outline for moving forward and forgiveness is because I want you to be free from the stronghold that are keeping you tied to that pain.
What worked for us is to prayer, focusing on healing, and being persistent about moving forward. Being honest with Jesus about your hurt and leave it with him. Then pray for the person who hurt you, I know may not want to but Matthew 5:44 and Luke 6:27-28 tells why you should.
Next focus on separating yourself from your resentment. You’re flesh is going to want to focus on the offense and you have to stop it by fighting against it by being aware of your thoughts. Talk back to anything that tries to keep you filled with bitterness. Refrain from conversations that cause you to dwell or talk about what happened until it no longer bothers you.
Finally be persistent in moving forward, because old habits and mindsets are easy to fall back into. Ask the Lord to direct your steps and to tell you what he wants for you to do next. He will guide you and give you peace.
It’s possible to forgive and be free of the resentment. Surrender it to Jesus and be willing to go through the process. The past can only have a hold on you if you let it, don’t let it poison your heart. Break free from the chains so you can live your life.