A few years ago I was in a relationship that I knew was over, but I kept holding on. Towards the end we were not communicating like we used to and there wasn’t a common goal. We were together out of convenience and because we’ve together for a long time.
I could hear the Lord telling me to end the relationship, but I was scared to do it. The cons outweighed the pros in my mind, and I let that fear keep me complacent. Even though I wasn’t growing from being with him, my fear of being alone keep me there. It overshadowed what lied on the other side of being obedient.
So I stayed another year holding onto the dreams we made early in our relationship. I prayed that things would change, but that never happened. After things ended and I was able to see that I was settling for less than God’s best.
The Emotions In Settling
When we choose to settle it’s because we’re doing it out of fear, complacency, or uneasiness towards change. Those emotions then determine what we do moving forward. Here are a few reasons people decide to stay in dead relationships:
If I leave, what will happen next? Do I really want to start the dating process over again?
Maybe things are not as bad as I think. I’m overacting or over thinking things.
We’ve been together for a long time, it wouldn’t be right to leave at this point.
They have always been there for me. How am I going to make it without them?
What if this relationship is the best I will ever have?
The biggest lesson I learned was that staying because it’s convenient makes it harder to leave later. It not only prolongs the process, but also creates resentment the other person. In the end it holds us back instead of allowing us to experience what’s next.
The Other Side of Good-Bye
I would be lying to your face if I said that things turned to sunshine and roses after. To be honest, it was hard and I went on a love cleanse after. However, I can say that I’m stronger and have a better sense of self now than I did before.
When it comes to ending a relationship our emotions like to try to dictate our actions. They will stir up feelings of regret, going back, and doubt about the future. In those moments we have to tell your emotions to have a seat and rely on our faith. Remember there’s always something good on the other side of our obedience.
Once you take the step to say good-bye, don’t look back because there’s nothing there. You have to give yourself time to learn who you are and make plans for your future. There is so much out there for you, don’t settle for what comes easy.
P.S-If you are on the fence about settling and don’t know what to do, then I wanted to suggest this video by Pastor Cornelius Lindsey. It helped me put everything in perspective and I hope it will do the same for you.